Clark Carlisle: So this is where it all began bro. For me at least.
Marv: Not for me.
Clark: How how was it for you it's coming into a man's world at 16?
When looking back with hindsight because we know what happened. You know you you look if i look at that period of time in context it was just me enjoying the newfound freedoms of life and and I left Blackpool went down to QPR and started playing for England under-21s and and the world is growing, opportunities growing but I've got to say that in that the distance between me and you, me and mum and dad and those who were my close relationships as a kid they just got bigger and bigger, with that came an inability to express to people that actually (yeah) football's great but this part of my life is absolutely terrible or that part of my life is devastating and not only that Marv, it wasn't even a thing.
You know when when were we ever taught to talk? When were we ever taught to share? you know what's going on, and that it mattered? you know everything was.
(Marv) Never, especially to the outside world. Everything was shut down, nobody knows our business.
Clark: It's incredible that after my first suicide attempt in 2001.
I don't think I told anybody about it, other than those who were in the immediate environment. Didn't tell my family and that there I know is the beginning of my depression because of that trauma and I found that out subsequently. And that's exactly what I did with my depression, I got the diagnosis in 2010 but didn't pay any mind to it until I put myself in front of a lorry in 2014. Just one continual depression.
(Marv) Yeah, that's scary.
Clark: I can vividly remember leading up to it. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done ever. Do you know what? I'm going to end this once and for all because I can't stop it coming back. I don't want to be a burden, but I do understand that other people's lives are affected now by my choice. So I'm walking around Liverpool looking for a responsible way to die.
(Marv) Obviously things were very different back then but what would you say to someone in your position now? If you were that guy on the street and you saw someone who was suicidal, what would your approach be what would you say?
We actually get quite a few of them come on you know and it's awesome that they get in touch. Guys around our age, you know, under 50, let's say and they are feeling a lot of the stuff that we've talked about and done. It's resonating with him especially about the upbringing you know and what it is to be a man and all of this stuff that's preventing them from sharing what they're going through. It's imperative that you find someone and tell someone because, like you said, there are people out there who not only can help but they want to.
(Marv) It's been hard but it's certainly been beneficial.
Clark: I wouldn't have made it without you bro and it's true.
Marv: I wouldn't without you because I love you bro.